A rhetorical Question - Where is Steve?

I know I have lost a lot of readers of my blog due to my inattentiveness. I lost my wife and best crew in August after a 6 month, 24x7 battle with Hodgkin’s disease. So many neighbors, friends and family helped me along the way, bringing dinners, bringing in the mail, watching Edie while I went to doctor’s visits for myself and in a million other ways. I can't say thanks enough, and still do.  No way could I have gone it alone but there were many nights alone sleeping by her bed on the floor. 


She has been gone now over 3 months, though I have been grieving a lot longer.  As she slowly got weaker, I slowly came to the realization that we were loosing this battle. These last 3 months I have spent with family and friends, seeing the country and trying to find a level place for my mind.

I decided to take a crew position in October with dear friends Patsy and Walt on their Wind Rose, a fantastic Cabo Rico 40 sailboat. They were doing the Baja Ha-Ha for the first time and needed experienced crew (well I have done 1 and 1/3 trip). They had no idea how cathartic it would be for me. As I was crew  on someone else’s boat, standing watches on starry nights, alone with my thoughts, I came to realize not only was I helping them out, I was returning to the Andalucía and my home away from home for 33 years. Even though I was returning home, alone, I was getting some piece and closing the loop.

It took another week before the final epiphany and I wanted to share it with anyone that is still out there wondering how Steve is doing.

What happened last night in the life of Steve Hollen on the Andalucía, alone, in Mazatlan? No different than I/you would have expected. Brother and I went with another cruiser to a favorite outdoor BBQ place for Mojitos (sp?) which are boiling hot lava rock bowls, full of shrimp/beef/chicken (take your pick). Since they don’t have a liquor license you go across the street to the Mega supermarket and buy your bottle of wine or beer,,,, only on Sunday you cannot buy alcohol in Mexico, except in a bar,,,, so we just drank cokes, the food was wonderful and the night sky was full of stars and music. When we were done it was time to get a bus back to the boat. On the way though the Gold Zone I noticed a cover band we know playing at the Gus & Gus bar (an outdoor place)! They play at the marina also (60’ from the boat) but were playing here for Sunday night. Stop the bus! Steve is getting off. The band plays a great bunch of music from the Beatles to ZZ Top, just as they were played originally. Absolutely fantastic. I get to know the bar fly guy next to me and we talk between songs about music, women, life, and living alone in Mazatlan. Guess what happens next (good guess), a “BEUTIFULL” blond sits down between us! Yes, the same lady you knew from high school that you never could get close to (and can’t now either,,,,). So, sure enough she sells boats, wants’ to sell mine, wants my card, etc (they never change and now with lots more cleavage showing). The second set ends, the girl leaves alone (nothing different from high school, right) and the guy next to me (now with the empty chair between us) says, are you ready to go? He gives me a ride to the boat, it is a warm clear starry night, god it is nice, and guess what his name is? Timothy Patrick (same as my son’s)… A typical, wonderful night in Mazatlan and loving every bit of it. Finally some piece.